Spill The Beans

Hi people.

Sorry it’s been so long since I last complained about my life. I recently found out that Twitter isn’t as dumb as I once thought. So basically, I’ve been “tweeting” on you. Get it? Tweeting instead of cheating?

Ok, now that you are done laughing (or I’m done laughing), let’s get down to business.

What has been going on in my ridiculously interesting life, you ask?

I work. From dawn til dusk. Actually, past dusk right on into the dawn again. And when I’m not working I’m thinking of things to work on. That, or I’m trying to make it through one more page of The Time Travelers Wife without crying for the next half hour.

So far I have not been successful in that endeavor.

I’m slowly planning my trip to Africa. I wish I had more time to dedicate to it. You’d think working in a study abroad office would give me lots of time to plan trips. Well, you are wrong. I have a few projects in mind for this trip and have gotten back the confidence I was beginning to lose in it. I will go to Africa, and I will tell a story while there. Mark my words (sorry if your name is actually Mark).

Also, I have been thinking recently that I need to start blogging a bit more (you know, because who really needs sleep?). Unfortunately I am at that age where everything is a big deal and life always seems to be crumbling down around me (aka I still miss that jerk ex-boyfriend, all my friends are engaged, I think I’m fat, my hair might be turning blonde…) and while this is obviously not always great for my mental health, it makes for some great, thought-provoking blogs. Because guess what? The only way I get therapy and help myself…is to tell others what to do and how to “cope”. Good thing? I don’t know. Maybe.

So, here’s to writing more blogs in the near future. I may have to petition for the addition of extra hours in the day, but I think I could win that case. 

K, bye.

Barnes and Noble has become another one of those places I used to enjoy but now avoid at all costs. When I step inside I know instead of being bombarded with an array of interesting books (or magazines in my case) and delicious coffee at my fingertips, I will instead be faced with an array of study materials. I’ll have to trudge to the study aid section, pick out an LSAT study guide and then circle around chairs like a vulture until someone gets up and moves. Then I’ll stare at the book hoping that I’ll retain some information when all I really want to do is flip through the Glamour magazine that somehow found its way under said study book.

I went through this ridiculous routine today, only I actually studied for a bit. As I was making a beeline for the door afterwards, I decided to take an alternate route (to avoid someone I knew of course) and found myself in the biographies section. For some reason I picked up a large book about Mark Twain. Whatever. Then I moved on and saw Sarah Palin cheesing on another cover and quickly dodged that shelf. Then, out of nowhere, I saw the awkward image of Kristin Chenoweth obnoxioiusly glaring at me from the top shelf of the autobiographies. Although I was in a rush to get out of there, I just couldn’t say no to Kristin.

I opened the book and flipped through several random pages and felt like I was reading my own words. She is so quirky and uses stream of consciousness and I just wanted to know more. I actually cared about what she was saying…even though it made no sense. And then I turned the page and I wanted to be her friend. Did you know Kristin is a Christian? I didn’t, until tonight. Possibly because I don’t know much about her except she is kind of weird, like myself. And that she made Wicked more than just some excuse to milk the Wizard of Oz for all its worth again.

Now, I’m not saying Kristin and I are long-lost sisters or anything, but I feel like I can identify with her. I’m quirky and weird and don’t make a lot of sense all the time. BUT, I’m also very comfortable in my quirkiness and want to use it to it’s full advantage. I also want to trust that God is going to put me where He wants me. And use my quirkiness for His own purposes as well.

Maybe I’ll get to defy gravity like her one day.

Or at least  help some tired redhead see some light in a very dark day at Barnes and Noble.

Tonight after studying for the Logic Games portion of the LSAT (aka flipping through Women’s Health and Elle) I decided to torture myself by going to Wal-Mart.

Although I would rather starve than go there, I have many people who count on me to not disappear anytime soon so I was forced to buy food to get me through the rest of the week.

I made a beeline for the usual aisle. As I was picking up a box of delicious (no sarcasm intended) Fiber One Bars, I realized the first box I picked up was slightly smashed in and not aesthetically pleasing. Without much thought I threw it to the back of the shelf and found a “better looking” box. 

I didn’t get two steps away before I realized what a lifetime of privilege has done to me. It has secretly swept me into a mindset that tells me that if it isn’t easy, perfect or what’s seemingly best for me than I don’t have to deal with it. I can throw it aside in pursuit of something better. 

Sure, in some areas of life this is okay. I mean, you definitely shouldn’t settle when it comes to marriage, education, jobs, etc. But when it comes to something as silly as a box of Fiber One bars that is a bit tattered, then maybe it’s ok to just choose that box. The more I work at the coffee shop the more I realize that this is extremely true.

We throw away pastries just because they are slightly “damaged”. Although some of them get saved for the local orphanage, a lot of them don’t. And I’m sure not every coffee shop in every city has the same practice. And as I see myself throwing that box to the back or removing those pastries from the shelf, I see them getting thrown away and I see the face of someone in the world who hasn’t had a meal in a few days. Or who doesn’t have the luxury of driving to a place like Wal-Mart to grab a few things (although sometimes I wish I didn’t have that option either). 

I’m not all that naive. I know that saving a pastry or a box of snack bars isn’t going to save anyone from starvation. But there is still something to this. There is an overwhelming feeling of not caring among us. Accompanied by years of training in the idea that we should always get what we want, how we want it. 

That’s not reality. At least not for everyone.

Maybe it won’t help anything, but I think I’ll take that tattered box next time.

Last night I went to Barnes & Noble in hopes of studying for the LSAT.

Of course, I got distracted before I even made it to the comfy “study chair”. 

I was walking past the magazines to get to said chair (taking the long route of course) when I noticed a professor from the university I work out. I had met him at our Study Abroad Fair briefly, but mainly just saw him and his family come and go from the coffee shop I work at. 

Since I wasn’t sure if he worked for the department I work in, and just not wanting to leave a bad impression in general, I made it a point to say hello and crack an awkward joke about not having to serve him coffee at that point. I felt a little like a kid wearing her mom’s shoes as I held the LSAT study book in my hand while staring at Seventeen magazine at the same time. 

He proceeded to ask me a little about myself and what I do in the Study Abroad office. I, of course, proceeded to spew word vomit everywhere giving my “elevator speech” about how I was majoring in a certain field right now, but my interests lie somewhere completely different. I explained why I was taking the LSAT and that I was fascinated with politics, global affairs, international relations, law and helping people.

And once again, I was amazed at how God put me in the right place at the right time. And let me tell you, after a string of terrible days, it was the right time.

The professor explained that he actually works for the political science department. He is taking a group of students to Egypt and Turkey this coming summer. His wife spent a year living in France. He was very interesting to talk to because of his mutual interest in international relations…and even said that he is planning to focus the upcoming trip on the topic. He also mentioned internships abroad as well as opening my eyes to the possiblity of “independent study” abroad.

He was 100% more interesting than whatever actress was on the cover of Cosmo this month.

Even though the past few days have not been the greatest, I continue to be amazed at the wonderful moments I experience in my life daily. I am certain that all of this is happening for a reason and that the people and things I am learning now will help me in whatever lies ahead in the future.

Do you ever have a moment when it just hits you?

Not a brillant idea or the solution to some problem. But instead that ball of stress that has been rolling your way for quite some time? 

I had been doing such a great job of avoiding the ball. Til just now.

I could probably use a day off. But what would I do with it? Probably study for the LSAT, or run, or homework….or all three. That doesn’t sound very relaxing. However, reality doesn’t really like to take it easy.

Today I have been letting the ball of stress roll all over me. Last night I cried like a baby instead of doing the 8 million things on my list that I should’ve done. I’m not ashamed of it. I mean, who hasn’t been weak enough to sit and cry before? Bet no one raised their hand just now.

Then this morning I sat at work slowly sinking into a state of feeling sorry for myself. All of a sudden I began chatting with several different people. All of them were dealing with their own problems and stressful life situations and it occurred to me that I’m not the only person in the world who isn’t having the “best day ever”. And while I hate that other people are feeling so down as well, it helps me to get past my own self in order to try to help them. Helping others is one of the greatest prescriptions for sadness you can get.

Not only that, but I realized that I am surrounded by fantastic people who care about me. I’m very blessed to be so busy and to have the resources available to me that I have. Maybe my life isn’t perfect, but it’s so full of good things and opportunities that it’s silly to dwell on anything too very long. If I let myself focus on my own stress too much then I won’t be able to help those same people who love me. I don’t want that. 

I encourage anyone reading this to take a moment in your day to be thankful for what you have, take a deep breath and reach out to someone. If we spent half the time helping someone else that we do wallowing in stress than the world would be a much happier place.

Get a little, give a little. We’re all in this together.

Yesterday morning I discovered the secret to studying for the LSAT. Here are some easy steps:

1) Actually get up and go to Barnes and Noble (probably the most difficult step of all! Once you are past this there’s no stopping you!)

2) Find a test prep book that suits you among the 8 million options 

3) Flash the evil eye at anyone who is already sitting in “your spot” (aka the comfortable chair next to the cooking section where no one goes…except the jerk who got there early just to take your seat)

4) Pretend like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room and the only way to remain breathing (aka survive) is to read the book as an alternative source for air.

5) Have a copy of Gary Larson comic strip book next to you. When you feel as though your brain is about to explode, or you want to run screaming through the store throwing the study book at innocent strangers, crack open the comic book and laugh until you cry.

6) Repeat

This really does work. I actually had FUN studying for the LSAT this way. I’m sure this can apply to other areas of torture in your life as well if you aren’t studying for Satan’s Exam. Not sure why I have to study to be a liar anyway….

On Friday I had an amazing discussion with a man that I probably should have met a long time ago. He is the director of the international student services department at the university I work for.

I had an assignment for one of my graduate classes that involved me interviewing a professional on-campus. Of course, I put it off until the last possible minute and was left scrounging for anyone who would give me 5 minutes. First I turned to my boss (can you say brownie points?) because he is the interim director for the study abroad office. As usual he made promises of sitting down with me after his slew of meetings to discuss my questions. Slew of meetings came and went, but no sign of the boss man. 

So what did this redhead do? She sent an email to her boss’s boss asking him for an interview. Within seconds, the “big man” responded (not God mind you, although I’d say He had His hand in this as well). And so she waltzed out of the office (well, it was more like a fast walk than a waltz, but you get the idea) and headed up to meet with The Man. Upon arriving to his office ON TIME (as in early) I find out that The Man is not there. Immediately my mind is confused as to whether I wanted to kill him or myself or find a bucket to cry into. Just when all hope was lost and I was going to have to interview myself and hope to sound important/smart I get called into another man’s office.

And he really does earn the title of The Man.

His name is Tarek and as it turns out, he was the real director of the ISSS office all along. Apparently while doodli…I mean listening in all our staff meetings I got the two very confused.

Best/worst mistake of my life.

Tarek saw the fear in my eyes and welcomed me in. He was more than generous with his time and dug deep into the questions I had to ask instead of just giving brief replies, as The Man had promised.

Tarek is from Egypt. He graduated from Alexandria University as an undergrad. Since then he has worked for several universities across the United States as well as earned a Masters from a distinguished university here. His perspective on students and the world  is remarkable, and his heart for what he does is amazing. 

Tarek explained to me that across the world students do not enjoy the flexibility that we as Americans take for granted. In many countries across the globe, university is subsidized by the government. This essentially means that students are tested for the area(s) they are strongest in, placed in a program and have all of their classes planned out for them. With no “wiggle” room to speak of.

I can think of many people in my day-to-day life who would never graduate if this was the case. How many 4-year graduates with no major changes do you know? Bet you can count them on one hand.

Also, this means that there is very little time spent on student services. Tarek even mentioned, to my embarassment, that in many countries i would never have been able to show up unannounced as I had done that day. And I certainly would have not gotten any responses.

Tarek opened my eyes to this as well as the things I take for granted. International students come to the United States to get an education that is valued across the world. I’m no elitist when it comes to the US. I am proud to be American (sorry to get that song stuck in your head), but I don’t think we are perfect nor do we hold any superiority to anyone else in the world. After all, we are all GLOBAL citizens. I am just relaying what Tarek told me about the value of an American education in many places. 

Sorry for the rambling disclaimer.

Anyway, many students come for this valued education and pay insane amounts of money for it. Every day we walk past them on campus and have no idea of the things they go through or what it has taken them to be able to be here. In fact, Tarek said that many of the students cannot even fathom the act of class registration, which is something American students just naturally do. The international students are so used to strict rules and set programs that the idea of picking their own classes is bizarre. On top of that, they are dealing with getting a drivers license, being terribly homesick, getting correct paperwork and a mile long list of other things.

Why have I not taken the time to get to know and help an international student before?

I wish more students would talk to Tarek. We take for granted the amazing diversity that is around us every day. The students that go so unnoticed many times are the ones we can stand to learn the most from. Not only are they courageous, but they are also the intelligent, hard-working ones who are earning the majority of PhDs in difficult fields. 

Tarek opened my eyes.

He also had a wonderful discussion with me about the best safaris in Africa, Victoria falls, the situation in Zimbabwe, his time spent living in Zambia and the best camera to buy for a trip to Mozambique. 

I was not expecting to gain anything from my interview assignment. What I ended up with was an amazing lesson from an incredible individual. Every day he helps international students during their un-ending journey. He gives them courage and hope and helps them grow to reach their goals/dreams. I want to be like Tarek and several like him who work in the ISSS office every day.

Just when you think there is nothing left to discover, you make the most amazing discovery of all. I hope you stumble into something like this as well. My gut feeling is that if you are open to it, you most certainly will.

I should be writing a news release right now as well as a newsletter.

Instead I feel like writing a blog. You guys are very lucky that I am the Queen of Procrastination.

This morning I registered for the LSAT. Call me crazy (or just your good ole Glutton for Punishment), but it’s something I feel I should do. Just to be able to say that I at least tried.

I feel that I would be a good lawyer. Not only do I love to argue for hours on end, but I also like to read, write and help people. Not to mention, I enjoy the literary stylings of John Grisham (since that is a good indication of who will make a good lawyer). 

I’d like to have a focus in international affairs since I’m a “touchy, feely” kinda gal (as one person pointed out to me when I told him my interest in Oxfam and humanitarian work). I want to give a voice to those in the world that otherwise wouldn’t be heard on their own. And trust me, my voice is loud enough for us all.

I’m not sure how realistic of a goal all of this is. But, it’s better to have tried than to have done nothing at all. The bottom line is that I want to help people, and I truly believe God gave me this passion for a reason. I also have a sneaking suspicion that I am better suited to help people with my intelligence and education than much else. I don’t think I can help people with just the desire alone.

So wish me luck in this endeavor. I’m probably going to need it. 

Also, I’ll probably be spending the next month strategically placing myself around Barnes and Noble to study for the test (without having to buy the actual book). Hopefully my flaming red hair doesn’t give me away. People always remember the redhead and assume she’s up to no good. Can’t imagine why….

I never thought I’d find any fulfillment working at a job in Kentucky. Call it being young or naive, but I fought this idea for the greater part of my life.

I am lucky that life threw me into a difficult situation that forced me to take a job in Kentucky for a while. As I mention over and over again (stop nodding your head) I am amazed by the extraordinary lessons I have learned so far and the resources that have opened up to me.

I have not become complacent like most people around me think. In fact, I spend a lot of time planning for the future and the next chapter of my life. Although I am in Kentucky for this year, I am seeing big changes and much different places on my horizon.

It’s a great feeling.

I was lucky to have people in my life this summer who acted as mentors during my initial post-graduate job search. Every day I would obsessively ask for advice from those around me who actually had meaningful jobs. In particular, my friend Jen who works for a well-known financial advisor. I know I would not have made the “right” decision if it wasn’t for guidance like hers and several others who patiently listened to my obnoxious indecisiveness and whining.

I feel that I have a lot to give back to my generation after experiencing a mind-numbing job search. In fact, I recently had to talk a close friend of mine down from a metaphorical ledge as she dealt with a similar situation. She now has a new job that she loves and looks forward to going to every day. It may not be the “dream job”, but it has become a stepping stone towards her future goals.

My generation is not lazy. We are very intelligent and talented in so many ways. We have a  high standard set before us for this reason. We are expected to know how to fully utilize technology and be up to date on things like twitter, facebook and blogging simply because of our age. When in fact, most people our age do not have the first idea  how to use these sites, especially to their advantage in the job search. 

Even though I don’t think we are lazy, I think we are underedcuated on how to actually go about finding a job as well as how to approach the career world. After having most things handed to us our whole lives we feel that the first job out of college should follow suite. I know I did. I fought hard on a daily basis with those who told me I needed to just find something to start out with and work my way from there. 

Had I not been thrown into the situation I am currently in I’d probably still be sitting in my room expecting the dream job to just fall into my lap.

I think we have to be willing to have some sort of job while searching for the next one. We have to use our time wisely and be open to learning from our new experiences. We have to not only learn to use social networking sites as the world is now found online, but we also have to learn to be proactive and pick up the phone or go to the office. We can’t just send an email with our resume/cover letter anymore and expect a reply back. That’s not the world we live in. Employers needs to see that we are willing to show some initiative and even work at the “low level” for a while in order to move up. 

I hope that my generation can take their discouragement from the job search and learn something from it every day. I also hope that the amazing talent and intelligence I see in my peers does not go wasted and/or underutilized. I also hope that universities do a better job of preparing students for the job search in the future. Continue to tell students to shoot for the stars, but convey the process it takes to get there.